Most recently, I had a little melodrama about my mom. Details here: Social Advice: Should I go visit my mom?
While I got a lot of insightful advises, my dear friend Cristina Hartmann
suggested that I should put this in painting, and maybe I would be able to sort things out through drawing.
Well, I don't like to draw stuff from my life. I rarely draw self portrait or portrait of my relatives/friends. Art is an escape for me, I draw stuff from imagination, out of this world, fictional characters... Most of the paintings I do requires thinking, not feeling. I thought about character development, color choices, composition... I don't do emotional paintings.
That being said, I decided to do a portrait of my mom. I have a couple of her photos, and I used them to block out the overall shape and likeness. Then I thought... to hell with it, I'm gonna draw that woman the way I think she should look like, color theory and composition can go to hell.
And without much thinking, this is what I got.
And I made a decision. I made a decision that I'll not visit my mom. If I'm going to agonize over my painful relationship with my mom, seeing her as her egotistic self will not help the situation. I'm done with it. If she's going to pretend I don't exist, I'll start telling everyone and myself that "my mother died when I was 18 months old".
Oh... How... very... melodramatic of me. Ha! If someone else wrote this, I'd be rolling my eyes halfway through. I used to laugh at people with mommy issues. Now I can't laugh at them anymore... oh screw it, my mom is dead. I can laugh all I want.